


Stiches

by nenela16



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Borussia Dortmund, Domestic Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, More characters to be added, Romance, Rough Sex, Self-Acceptance, Self-Harm, but happy ending, rough beginning, tags are weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:19:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4906990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nenela16/pseuds/nenela16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik thought he was happy, that they were happy. He will need to fight against himself to let himself feel happiness again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Help

Just because someone is famous doesn’t mean that they don’t suffer or that they don’t feel pain like us. We sometimes don’t realize this because some people keep their lives private, far away from the spectator eye but they feel sad, angry, happy, and all those feelings that makes us humans. They can always be victims, victims of other people taking advantage of them or hurting them and sometimes people want to hurt them even more because of what they have and how different and spectacular they life seems to be.

  
Footballers are not as different as actors or singers, maybe they don’t get as recognized but a lot of them, depending on the team they play, are consider heroes or even gods. Somehow most of them manage to keep their life to themselves and I think is because a big part of the people who follows them are not really that interested in what they eat, who they are dating or where they go on vacation; must of the people are interested if they score a goal or not and what they can do for their team.

  
A handful of footballers meet their girlfriend or boyfriend way before they become famous, a lot of them meet the love of their life through a friend or right in the neighborhood they used to live in or they were high school sweethearts but that doesn’t mean that those lovers are good people. They can be mean and they can hurt the other, sometimes is out of jealousy or just without a reason.

  
Erik never thought he would be in this kind of situation in his life, he thought they were happy. He was never the type of boy that would sleep with everybody; he loved to have a long term relationship, to actually get to know each other and to be part of one another’s future.

  
Erik met Daniel when they were in middle school, they were best friends back then but it wasn’t until Erik decided to drop out of high school that he decided to tell Daniel that he was gay. It wasn’t easy for Erik to realize that but his parents were very supportive and they knew way before he did but they just waited for him to make the decision of telling them, in his own time.

  
Daniel was happy for him, was happy for both of them really. They were both in Erik’s room; he was shaking and almost sweating because he was so afraid of his friend reaction. He couldn’t see Daniel in the eyes. He took a deep breath and just blurred it out; it came out like a scream but it felt like a lot of weight was lifted from his shoulders. He had his eyes closed when he suddenly felt Daniel’s touch bellow his chin.

  
He would be lying if he says that it didn’t feel weird to be kissing his best friend but his lips were feeling warm and tingly. His first kiss in an elementary school bathroom wasn’t anything like this. This kiss felt like he was lifted from the floor and brought to space. He felt like he was floating, like he didn’t have any fears or worries, he felt safe. He trusted Daniel, how he could not.

  
Time passed, they started dating but Erik didn’t want to make it public because he was in talks with a First Division Bundesliga team, they both knew being gay and a football player wasn’t something people were okay with and Daniel understood that.

Erik’s other love was football, he doesn’t remember a time where he didn’t have a football ball close to his feet. Since he was very young he remembers watching football games every weekend and during the week he was just outside playing with his friends. He knew he wanted to play football for the rest of his life because honestly he couldn’t see himself doing anything else. He started playing in youth leagues when he was only 6 years old, he was very young but people saw potential in him. When he was 18 he won the Youth Federation Cup with 1.FSV Mainz 05, even that he only played one game it gave him confidence to believe he was in the path of something great.

  
In 2012 1.FSV Mainz 05 and Borussia Dortmund offered him a contract; this wasn’t an everyday thing when one of the most successful team in la Bundesliga offers you a contract so he just went for it. Borussia was his new team. He didn’t regret anything about his decision, he was over the moon and he knew in his heart that great things were going to come for him in this team.

  
Daniel followed him wherever he went and this wasn’t an exception, he loved Erik so he was determined to be by his side along the way. He wasn’t a big football fan but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to support Erik, if this is what he wanted to do then he was going to find a place in his heart for football.

  
Erik began his first season in Dortmund; he was very excited and nervous at the same time. There were a lot of footballers he admired in that team and now he was going to play alongside them, this was going to be quite the journey. He was aware his life was going to change but he didn’t exactly knew how much and he didn’t know if he was prepare for it or if Daniel was prepare for it but he was ready to make it work.

  
Erik training sessions began to be a problem for Daniel, he used to go to training very early in the morning and get home late in the afternoon and he was always tired therefor he didn’t have a lot of energy to go out or to just even spend some time together. They started to argue for every little thing, how Daniel used to leave the dirty dishes in the sink, how Erik didn’t change the toothpaste after it was finished or how Daniel would leave his shoes in front of the bathroom door. It felt like they were just fighting to remind themselves that they were still together.

  
Girls and boys started to throw themselves towards Erik, he was the new Dortmund cute footballer and everybody wanted a piece of him. He never liked being the center of attention but funny enough he didn’t mind to play in front of thousands of people, in his defense that was completely different because they weren’t focus on his looks people were focus in his style of play. But not matter how many times Erik told Daniel that he wasn’t interested in any of them, Daniel just didn’t like it.

  
The first time it happened Erik was coming home from training. He was completely exhausted because it was double session and that meant that he came home rather late. He opened the door and all the lights were off except for the one coming from the hallway. He took off his jacket and shoes and headed towards their bedroom. Daniel was in their bed crying while holding a magazine. There was a picture of Erik and Marco hugging while they were in a presentation for the team. Daniel accused him of cheating, Erik swore to him that nothing was happening between them, Daniel started screaming, Erik started crying and Daniel lost it.

  
Erik could feel his face swelling up. He touched his nose and felt something wet, it was blood. He was confused, everything felt like a blurry memory. He opened his eyes and saw Daniel kneeled down in front of him with tears in his eyes. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_. Erik wasn’t sure how many times Daniel said that two words but it was more than ten times. It was just an accident, Erik thought. Just an accident.

  
Sadly it wasn’t. Every time they would have an argument about something Daniel would respond with a fist right in to Erik’s face, chest, and stomach or anywhere he wanted. Erik was running out of excuses on how he had one more bruise in his body, he still believed every bruise was an accident. All of his teammates were getting suspicious but no one dare to say a single word.

  
Now Erik was in front of his bathroom mirror staring at his face, looking at the biggest bruise he has ever had covering his eye. No makeup could cover that up and he that was making him scared. He usually spent about an hour trying to cover every single one so the cameras wouldn’t catch it in training.

  
He slightly touched it with his fingertips and couldn’t help but cry. This wasn’t an accident, none of them were an accident and no matter how sorry Daniel can feel after doing it this wasn’t a way to handle an argument. He always thought he was happy, that they were happy but no person that loves another person would do this.

  
He grabbed his phone, dialed the number he knew by memory. He waited until the person picked up. **“Marco…”** His hands were shaking, even his voice was shaking but he needed to do this. He knew Daniel wasn’t home but he was whispering, scared that he was going to be heard and that Daniel was going to hit him again. **“I need you to help me”**.


	2. Saving

Erik felt he didn’t have a choice, he felt this was his only way out. He thought about leaving Daniel a number of times but this is the first time were he had the strength to actually call someone. Erik knew exactly how Daniel felt about Marco, he didn’t like him and he even told Erik not to talk to him. He had to be careful at training because he knew they were always taking pictures or videos, the only time were he used to talk to Marco was in the lockers. Marco was the only one Erik really trusted.

  
“Erik, what’s wrong? Are you crying” Marco’s voice sounded deep, like he was very quiet. It was quite late so maybe he was sleeping and that made Erik feel worse for calling him. Erik couldn’t speak. “Erik? Are you there?” Nothing. Erik was now sitting on the floor, grabbing his legs trying to seek comfort.

  
Minutes passed and Erik didn’t say anything but Marco didn’t hang up. Erik was crying and even that he knew that sooner or later Daniel was gonna come home, he just didn’t have the strength to speak anymore. He could hear Marco’s breath in the background, it sounded that he went to the kitchen because he heard what it seemed to be ice cubes hitting a glass.

  
“Marco I thought he loved me, I thought he would never hurt me, I really thought I was safe with him. Am I truly this insignificant?” He hated to talk like this, he hated to sound like he needed attention but he really needed the answer of that question. No one hurts someone that is truly valuable so he must worth absolutely nothing for someone to do this to him.

  
“Erik, what did he say? Did he hurt you? Again?” Erik didn’t understand his questions because he never told Marco about this but maybe he guessed because all the bruises he couldn’t hide. Erik started wondering how many of his teammates know and how ashamed he is from not covering them better. He didn’t know how he was going to cover this new one but he couldn’t let other people see it, he couldn’t handle the looks from people questioning what happened to him. “Is he there with you?”

  
“No”. He wasn’t sure if Marco heard him because it came out like a gasp.

  
“I’m coming over” No, no, no, it was all what Erik could think. Daniel could not know that he even called Marco or that Marco even knows what’s going on between them. Erik’s breath started to get really accelerated with just the thought of what Daniel could do to Marco.

  
“No Marco, please. Forget that I called you, forget everything you just heard” Even that Erik really wanted Marco to help him Erik would never forgive himself if something happens to Marco. He started to hear steps coming from outside the bathroom, he froze. “Marco…” He whispered. The door opened and Daniel was there standing in front of him with confused eyes.

  
“Erik what are you doing?” Daniel ripped the phone out of his hand and looked at the screen. “Really Erik?” He had this smirk on his face that was very terrifying. He laughed like a villain from a little kids movie but Erik couldn’t take his eyes away from him. Daniel’s foot went straight to Erik’s stomach; it felt like all the air he had left his body in a blink of an eye. “Goodbye Marco” and before Daniel could hang up he hit Erik once again, harder than before.

  
Erik’s eyelids felt heavy, his whole body was hurting and he was very cold. He felt Daniel’s hand stroking his hair and whispering sweet things to his ear, he just wanted to run away. He wanted to be somewhere else, he wanted to be with someone that will treat him right and not like this. He always dreamed of being in a long relationship with the love of his life and growing old with him but that felt so foreign now, like that could never happen. He would love to spoil his boyfriend, to cook for him, to buy little presents just because, to have breakfast and have goodbye kisses. He wants to be with Marco right now, he wants to be in Marco’s arms and feel safe.

  
His eyes were now closed and he was slowly falling sleep. He started hearing police sirens and a lot of yelling but he thought it was his head playing with him. He couldn’t help it anymore, he surrender himself to his dreams. “Marco…”

  
~

  
Dreams sometimes are everything we always wanted. Are worlds were we can be whoever we want to be or have whatever we want. Erik’s dreams were nothing like that; his dreams were just like every other day in his life. He was scared even in his dreams but this last dream was different. Erik looked and felt happy, he was smiling and that didn’t happen often. He didn’t know the cause of his happiness but he didn’t want to wake up.

  
His body started shaking; he felt a lot of hands on top of him and a lot of people talking around him. He opened his eyes and saw that he wasn’t in his apartment anymore and everything seemed so bright. He tried to talk but he couldn’t because his throat felt so dry. He lifted his hand trying to ask for water but it never came.

“Mr. Durm can you hear me? You’re at the hospital; we are taking care of your bruises” things made a little bit more sense now but he still didn’t know how he got to the hospital. “You will be able to leave tonight. Mr. Reus is here, he was the one that called the police” so his head wasn’t playing tricks on him, he really heard police sirens. He felt like smiling when he heard that Marco was there, he wanted to hug him and to never let him go.

  
“Erik is me Marco” Marco grabbed his hand like he was afraid Erik was gonna break at any moment. He felt Marco’s thumb making soothing patterns on top of his hand, it made feel better. “I called the police after Daniel hang up on me. The police arrested him, they are gonna need for you to testify against him tomorrow” Erik just nodded. “But after you are all set here you’re coming with me so I can take care of you okay?” Erik would be lying if he says he wasn’t relief because of that; he will be okay.

  
He saw how Marco left the room where he was being take care of, he wanted to tell him to come back because he was feeling scared. Erik didn’t know if he could testify against Daniel, he did terrible stuff to Erik but Erik didn’t want him to go to jail; he just wanted Daniel to be out of his life for good. If Daniel goes away free of charge Erik is sure he will go after him and even worse, he will go after Marco.

  
After what it seemed forever the nurse told him he could leave. She gave him names of pills he could take for the pain and some cream for the bruises. Marco told her that they will call the team doctor to see if he could take those pills but he promised her to bring Erik for a checkup. She smiled and said her goodbyes. Marco requested a wheelchair for Erik so he didn’t have to walk all the way to the car even that he complained all the way there that he could walk by himself. Marco didn’t listen knowing what the best was for him. He opened the car door and helped him get in. For what it seemed like an impulse, Marco caressed his cheek softly like trying to tell him he was okay, he was safe.

  
The ride to Marco’s home was quiet but it didn’t bother any of them, they were already comfortable with each other that they didn’t need to talk every single minute. Erik was just wondering when his life became this huge mess; he just wanted everything to go back to normal and to be the happy boy everybody knew. The press will dig into all this and will speculate and also tell lies but never ask why this all happened, he didn’t want them to know but he didn’t have control over that.

  
His parents always told him to be strong and to always remember that if he is not happy then is not for him; that he needed to keep moving forward until he was happy again. He lost his way but he was ready to find it once again, he knew it wasn’t gonna be easy but he was ready for it. He turned his head and saw the handsome boy that was next to him, the friend that was always next to him no matter what. He wondered if he was happy, could be Erik be part of his happiness.

  
They got to Marco’s house, he doesn’t remember the last time he was there but he truly missed it. He missed going to Marco’s house to play Xbox or to just hang out with Jonas and Mats and drink some beers. He missed his friends.

  
Marco took his hand and interlaced their fingers together. He smiled at Erik reassuring him that he was going to be okay. Marco helped him to take his shoes off before stepping into the kitchen. Marco put the list of medicines on the door fridge and put a Borussia Dortmund magnet to hold it. He grabbed two bottles of water and guided Erik towards the guest bedroom.

  
“So there are towels in the bathroom and I can give you a short and a t-shirt for you to sleep comfortable. If you want we can go to your house tomorrow and pick some clothes” Marco got passed him to make sure the bathroom was set up with everything Erik needed. “The sheets are cleaned and…” Marco stopped talking when he looked at Erik; he was looking at the floor and playing with his fingers. “Are you okay?” Marco put his fingers under his chin and lifted Erik’s head so he could see his eyes. Erik nodded.

  
“Erik…”

  
“I just… I thought…” Erik didn’t have the courage to tell him that he didn’t want to sleep alone. It wouldn’t be the first time, they went camping as a team a couple of times and Marco and him had to share a bed. But this time it felt different.

  
“Tell me” Marco’s eyes were full of love and care, he shouldn’t be nervous.

  
“I don’t want to sleep alone” Marco smiled and Erik blushed. Marco took him in his arms and hugged him slightly trying not to hurt him. Marco always smelt like a sunny day at the beach, it was always refreshing and relaxing.

  
“Come” Marco took his hand and guided him to his bedroom. “I’m sorry, I was just thinking you wanted your privacy” he felt like a fool.

  
“I’m a little bit scared and with you I feel safe” sometimes this kind of stuff sounded better in his head but judging by Marco’s reaction, he didn’t say something that bad. “If you feel uncomfortable I can sleep on the other room, really” Marco giggled a little bit and walked towards his closet, he picked some clothes for Erik to wear.

  
“Don’t be silly. Here, put this on. I will change on the other bathroom” he walked away leaving Erik in the middle of his room. The bed was larger than he remembers and there were some new paintings on the walls. He walked to the bathroom and changed. He couldn’t put his shirt because every time he tried to take his shirt off, his whole torso started to hurt. When he entered the bedroom Marco was already on his bed just playing with his phone “What happened? The shirt didn’t fit?”

  
“No, is just that I can’t take it off. It hurts” Marco got out of bed and walked towards Erik. He looked at him asking for permission to help him, Erik nodded. Marco pulled his shirt slowly, his knuckles touching Erik’s skin slightly. It made him shivered. Marco could see Erik’s stomach turning dark because of the kicks. He looked at Erik, holds his gaze and softly touched his stomach with his fingertips.

  
“I’m sorry…”

  
“Is not your fault” Erik could see some tears in Marco’s eyes. He cleared his throat “Come on, let’s go to bed” Marco helped him put the other shirt on and they made their way to bed. Erik made himself comfortable under the sheets while Marco turned the lights off. He could feel the warmth eradiating from Marco’s body, it made him feel so much better “Thank you Marco, thank you for saving me” Erik said, he grabbed Marco’s hand in the darkness

  
“I would do anything for you, you know that right?” Marco squeezed Erik’s hand. They spent some minutes in silence, Erik started to yawn

  
“Good night Marco”

  
“Good night Erik” Marco could feel Erik’s steady breathing “Let me make you happy”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for taking long to post this. This few weeks have been crazy, I got terrible sick and my parents came to visit so I have been quite busy hehe. Well here's the new chapter, I'm really happy how it turned out. Idk if i'm going a bit fast with this but I'm just a sucker for slight touches and long gazes.  
> Hope you enjoyed it. Love and feedback are appreciate it.
> 
> -Nenela


	3. Hurting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you so much for all your messages. It helps me to keep going! it really does.   
> This story is very close to my heart because i can say, sadly, i know what is like to be in Erik's shoes. Sometimes you need to rick rock bottom to go to the top again... is a long way but is worth it at the end.   
> Comments are very appreciate it. 
> 
> -Nenela

The rays of sunshine were peeking through the curtains landing beautifully on Erik’s face. He looked very angelical, like nothing in the world was bothering him, like nothing horribly happened last night. He managed to sleep through the night, maybe because Marco was next to him or because for once he wasn’t scare of the person who was sleeping next to him. 

His eyes started to open up very slowly like he was very afraid of waking up realizing that everything was a dream that he is still in his apartment waiting for Daniel to come and hurt him again. He noticed there was no one next to him on the bed and it looked like no one was around. His breath started to increase more and more. Did Marco left him all alone and didn’t even say goodbye?. He felt like he was gonna start crying. 

He counted until ten and tried not to jump to conclusions so fast. He sat up, his stomach area still hurt very much but at least he could breathe normally and without pain. He looked at his right and saw that his phone was there next to a bottle of pills, a glass of water and a piece of paper. Marco wrote the instructions on how many pills he should take and asking him to call him as soon as he woke up. He smiled. He felt like an idiot, imagining that Marco would have not cared about him. 

The act of opening the bottle of pills was fun and painful but he managed. He decided to take a shower, he felt it would do him good and maybe help him relax a little bit. He took a deep breath and made his way to the bathroom. A towel was fold nicely on top of the bathroom counter and with another piece of paper on top “I guessed you wanted to take a shower at some point. Make yourself at home. Take any clothes you need from my closet. And if you haven’t called me, please do. Xo Marco” . He looked up and saw himself in the mirror, smiling like a fool. 

He turned on the water and waited until it got warm. He slowly took his clothes off, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. The water felt amazing on his skin, it feel like it was washing all his problems away but life was never that beautiful. If water could just wash away your fears well nobody would ever leave the shower. 

He looked down and saw the big bruise that was showing on the side of his stomach, the biggest bruise he has ever had. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it was going to hurt but he couldn’t but start crying. He was so confused. What did he do wrong, what did he say to make Daniel hate him this much, where did their relationship became this horrible nightmare. Maybe it was Erik’s fame, maybe Daniel didn’t want to share Erik with the world. Or maybe there was no logical explanation.   
Erik was too good sometimes, thinking about everybody else before than himself. He was always worried if Daniel was happy with all the decision he was taking in his professional life. Erik always asked Daniel if he was okay with it and for what it seemed Daniel had his back. It was all a lie. 

He got himself together and decided to finish showering. He took his time, being careful of not making rush movements. He dried himself and borrowed some clothes from Marco’s closet. He felt everything look not so good on him, all that clothes looked much better on Marco’s body. He grabbed his phone and called Marco wondering if he told the coach everything that happened. 

“Good afternoon Mr. Durm” Erik haven’t even checked the time but he guessed it was way passed noon. “How are you feeling?” he could feel Marco’s tenderness in his voice. He smiled. 

“I’m okay, it still hurts but I’m a little bit better” he started walking outside the room and making his way to the kitchen, he was hungry.

“I’m happy to hear that” he could hear a lot of voices in the background; Erik imagined he was still at training. “I know this is the least you want to hear but we need to go to the police station for you to testify”.

“I know” he let out a deep sigh; he didn’t even want to think about seeing Daniel again. “Did you talk to the coach or do I have to go there?” he tried to change the subject.

“Yes, he said he wants to talk to you but whenever you feel comfortable doing it” he was looking inside of the fridge and grabbing some pasta that was inside a container. “But he wants you to see the team doctor as soon as you can so he can know when you can go back to training” he knew the coach meant well but it was going to be hard to go and show the doctor his bruises. It was already too much letting Marco see it.

“Thank you” he put the container on the microwave and pressed start. “I will go to the training ground tomorrow, I promise” that was more to himself than to Marco. “Thank you for the pills and the clothes by the way”.

“Don’t worry Erik, I said I was going to take care of you didn’t I” Erik heard a door closing in the background. 

“You don’t have to…” he didn’t have to but how glad Erik was to have him by his side last night.

“I’m not even gonna respond to that because I’m not there to give you a death look” Erik giggled. “Did you eat something? There’s some pasta on the fridge if you want”.

“Yes, I’m already microwaving it”.

“I know you too well Durm” Erik knew he was right. From all Erik’s friends Marco was the one that knew him the most. Daniel managed to keep him away from everybody but he never realized until it was too late. “I’m on my way to pick you up okay? I will be there in ten minutes”.

“Okay, text me when you’re outside” he took the container out the microwave and hang up the phone.

He knew he was hungry but he didn’t know he was this hungry. He ate the pasta in less than a minute but was still hungry. He grabbed some bread Marco had laying around and took out the butter from the fridge. He wasn’t proud of the amount of bread he ate but he can say that he was satisfied. 

The dishes from Marco’s breakfast were still in the sink; he put his dishes on top of the other ones and turned on the water. He didn’t want to leave the dishes dirty and he wanted to be a good guest. The blade of one of the knifes cut one of his fingers, a bit of blood started to come out. He was hypnotized by the cut and by the numbness he was feeling. He couldn’t stop staring at it. He grabbed the knife from the sink and put it close to his forearm. It looked so tempting. It felt like he was watching himself from the top, looking cautiously. 

He ran the blade slowly on his skin. 

Footsteps sounds came from not so far away. He quickly snapped out of it and quickly grabbed some napkins from the near table. He couldn’t understand what just happened or what he just felt but for a few seconds he felt better, he felt that he could go through this day without breaking. He applied pressure on his cut but he could still see blood impregnating the napkins. He was putting his forearm bellow the faucet when Marco came into the kitchen. 

“Oh here you are. What are you…?” he stopped talking when he saw Erik’s arm. “What happened?!” he raised his voice and quickly made his way towards Erik.

“I was washing the dishes and one of the knifes cut me on the arm. Is not a big deal, is just a small cut” Erik tried to played it cool and like nothing happened. 

“Can you get me some band aids please?” Marco nodded and went to his room to look for them. Erik told himself this wouldn’t happen again. And he believed it. 

~

The road to the police station was in silence. Marco wanted to give Erik his space and he thought that if he wanted to talk then he would be there when he was ready. Erik looked through the window the entire ride, remembering what it felt to be normal; to be okay with your surroundings. He felt Marco’s hand in his thigh; he couldn’t help but flinch at the touch. Marco took his hand away but Erik grabbed it and put his hand back where it was. He smiled at Marco. 

Photographers were waiting for them outside of the station so Erik assumed the media knew what happened last night already. He didn’t expect anything less. Two police officers helped them to get inside of the building. He just wanted to get this over with. 

Erik followed one of the officers that was going to take his testimony. Marco said encouraging words to him and gave him a quick hug. The officer told him he didn’t need to see Daniel and if he felt uncomfortable they could stop at any point but he needed to be strong so this could go by as fast as possible. They entered a small office; he sat down, took a deep breath and started talking. 

Reliving his everyday life wasn’t so hard, he did it every day. The problem was telling all this to another person, being aware of the look full of pity the officer was giving him. He knew he was a victim here but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He never wanted to hurt Daniel, he was his best friend and he promised him that he would be with him forever. How awful of a person am I, Erik thought to himself. 

Questions were asked and answers were given. Hours passed until Erik couldn’t talk anymore, his throat was dry and he was emotionally tired. He just wanted to go home. The officer said he had everything he needed and that he was sure Daniel will be locked down for a few years, considering who Erik was to the people of Germany. Erik felt even worse. Erik and the officer shook hands and he made his way to Marco again, who received him with a hug. Erik rejected it. He just wanted to get out of there; he just wanted to run away. Marco said goodbye to the officer and walked fast to catch up with Erik. He just wanted to be good to him, to make him feel he wasn’t alone but he messed up. 

They didn’t say a word. Marco didn’t try to approach Erik and Erik didn’t make an effort to apologize to Marco. All he wanted was to hug Marco, to tell him he was sorry, that he didn’t mean to but he felt so overwhelmed and disgusted of himself that he thought he didn’t deserve that hug. Somebody like him didn’t deserve care and admiration. The car was already parked inside the garage but none of them moved. He saw Marco from the corner of his eye; he could see how worried he looked and even a bit sad. This wasn’t fair to Marco. 

“Please take me home” Erik’s voice was almost like a whisper but it was so silent inside of the car that Marco heard that perfectly.

“Why? I don’t want you to be alone there” he didn’t want to let go of Erik. He was so scared of losing him again that he wasn’t gonna let him push him away. He promised himself that he was going to take care of Erik and that’s what he was going to do. 

“You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my dad Marco. Take me home!” his voice was cracking, it felt like he was about to cry but there was not a single tear in his eyes. 

“No, I’m not going to” Erik opened the car door and got out. He started walking outside the garage; if Marco wasn’t going to take him home then he was going to walk there. “Where are you going?” Marco got out of the car and went after him.

“Home” he knew he couldn’t get home by just walking but he wasn’t even thinking straight at that point, he just wanted to feel control about something in is life. He didn’t even wanted to go to that apartment, it didn’t felt like home anymore but he just wanted to free Marco from all this mess. 

“No! I’m not letting you!” Marco was almost yelling. He didn’t care about the neighbors or about anyone hearing him screaming. “Erik!” he ran and caught up to him.

“Let me go Marco!” he tried to free his arm from Marco’s grip. He was strong anymore; he was tired and didn’t have the strength to fight anymore. He didn’t want to fight with anyone anymore. “Let go of me… please” his last word wasn’t even a word; it was like a last breath.

“No” Marco pulled him for a hug. “I’m not losing you again Erik” he whispered into his ear. He felt Erik trying to fight him but he hugged him tighter and Erik gave in. Marco felt Erik’s body relaxing more and more, he can’t let go of him anymore. He needed Erik as much as Erik needed him. 

“Marco, why? What did I do wrong?” he was crying. He needed answers to this questions but he knew that as much as he asked himself why he will never know what when wrong. He just needed to accept things how they were. 

“Nothing, you did nothing wrong” there they were, in the middle of street hugging each other. Marco was practically holding Erik. They stayed like that until Erik stopped crying. “Come on, you can take a shower and then go to bed”.

It wasn’t that late but Marco knew that Erik needed sleep and lots of it. He helped Erik taking his shirt off, and warmed the water for him. Erik was just sitting on the toilet waiting to get inside. He looked so lost and it was breaking Marco’s heart. He told Erik he was going to the kitchen to prepare something quick to eat so he can take a shower. Erik nodded. 

Marco decided the easiest dinner was some soup. He remembered his mom left him some in the fridge so the only thing he needed to do was put it in the microwave and it was done. He promised himself that tomorrow he was going to take Erik out to eat, if he wanted to of course. Erik needed to distract himself from all this so maybe after seeing the team doctor tomorrow he can make some reservations to one of their favorite restaurants. 

He noticed that the dishes were still in the sink. He stared at them. The water was still full red from the blood from Erik’s arm. Marco started thinking how it was possible for a knife jump from the sink and make such a smooth cut on Erik’s arm. The microwave beeping interrupted his train of thoughts. He put the soup in two bowls and took it to his bedroom on a tray. Erik was sitting down on the bed playing with his phone. 

They ate watching the tv that Marco had on the foot of the bed, it was very high tech. They were watching Friends; it was a show that always made them laugh. Erik talked to his mom for a while; she was worried about everything the papers were saying about him. He managed to calm her by telling her that he was fine and that he was staying with Marco. His mom always had a soft spot for Marco; she always praised him and always asked him to spend more time with him. She was more relaxed after knowing that. She told him she was going to visit him in a few days. 

They lost track of time, when they saw the time it was already nine at night. They spent the whole time watching two full seasons of Friends. At some point during the night, Erik got closer to Marco. Now Erik’s head was resting on Marco’s shoulder and Marco didn’t mind one bit. He turned the tv off and pulled the covers up.

“I’m sorry…” Erik said from out of nowhere.

“For what?” Marco turned the lights off and made himself comfortable. He wasn’t aware how tired he was but it felt nice to finally be under the covers and in is bed.

“For yelling, for rejecting your hug, for pulling you into this mess” Erik breathed out. “For everything”.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about Erik” he made himself even closer to Erik; he could feel Erik’s breath close to his face. “You’re going through a lot and sometimes you just need to let everything out” he grabbed Erik’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “But just letting you know I’m not going to let you go anywhere, not until I know you are safe”.

“Thank you Marco” Erik felt so overwhelmed, he wanted to tell him more than just thank you but he didn’t know what. 

“Anything for you my dear Erik” he pulled Erik’s forearm towards his face, he inspection his cut. The band aid fell off when Erik was taking a shower but you could still see it was still a bit red around it. He kissed it gently and sweetly, Erik closed his eyes and felt something on the dip of his stomach that he hasn’t felt in a long while. He opened his eyes and saw those beautiful green eyes staring him back.

“Marco…”


	4. Confesing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I'm sorry for not posting last week but I was on vacation so I decided to take some time off hehe. But I'm here again with this new chapter. I hope you like it.  
> I hope you enjoy it. Comments are very appreciate it. 
> 
> -Nenela

Last night was hard for Erik, his nightmares didn’t stop and he didn’t expect them too but he just wanted at least an hour or two of mental peace. Every hour he woke up covered in sweat and screaming, he never remembered what the dreams were about but he kinda had an idea. Marco was always there holding his hand or just hugging him after he calmed down. Erik didn’t know what would have happen if Marco wasn’t there for him. 

The alarm clock went off around eight in the morning, none of them felt well rested but they needed to head to the training camp, Erik needed to talk to Tuchel. They took a shower, dressed and ate in silence. Marco didn’t want to bother Erik; he figured that he didn’t feel like talking. He needed to respect that. 

Traffic was low; it was like everyone decided to stay home for the day. Erik didn’t blame them. He didn’t want to tell the story all over again, he was done telling it and he was done reliving it every time. He just wanted to continue with his life and play football. But life is never that easy. He turned his head and watched Marco drive. He was grateful Marco was there for him, that Marco decided to take him into his home and take care of him. He was grateful to have Marco. 

Erik always thought Marco was a pretty amazing footballer, he remembers when he used to watch Monchengladbach play. He was always amazed about how young and good Marco was. He was always a point of reference for Erik, he always admired Marco and after being with him in the same team he saw what a beautiful person he is. Sometimes Marco is too nice for his own good. 

After parking inside the training facility, Erik made his way to Tuchel’s office. Marco told him to come by the locker rooms when he was done so they could go back to Marco’s apartment. Erik wanted to protest but Marco walked away before he could say anything. Erik just smiled. 

“Erik” Tuchel was walking towards his office when he saw Erik standing in front of the door. “I’m glad to see you here. Come in” He opened the door and let Erik in. Tuchel always made the guys feel like he was their friend, like they could count on him. Erik took a deep breath.

“Sorry for missing training yesterday coach” Erik gave him a shy smile. “I guess you already know why” Tuchel gave him a weird look. “I mean because is all over the media”.

“Don’t worry about training; what it is important is that you are safe and okay” Erik let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “For what Marco told me you are staying with him correct?” Erik nodded. “Okay good, I wouldn’t suggest for you to be alone for the moment” Even that Erik sometimes felt he need to be alone he knew better than that; he knew he should be around people. 

“Yes, he told me I could stay with him until I feel better” For some reason all he could remember at that moment was the kiss Marco placed on top of his cut. Erik lightly touched it with his fingertips.

“That’s good. I want you to go to see the team’s doctor so he can check you and we will go from there” Erik got up and shook Tuchel’s hand. They smiled at each other. “Oh and Erik…” Erik was almost at the door. “I’m happy you’re okay” Erik felt grateful to have this kind people around him when he needed them the most. He knew things will get better. 

Like Tuchel instructed him he went to see the team’s doctor. He was happy to see Erik and that he was okay, they were all worried well at least that's what the doctor said. They started talking about what Erik missed from yesterday, exercises and some instructions the coach gave the defenders. It was good to be in the training camp again, even if it was just one day away. 

Erik lied down in the stretcher wearing just his bottoms. He didn’t even dare to look at his stomach; the pain was enough reminder that he still had an awful bruise in the side of his torso. All he could see in the doctor’s eyes was pity and sadness, he hated that but he didn’t say anything. The doctor examined Erik’s body; he needed to know the amount of pain Erik was in so he could determine how long the recovery will take. Erik was scared. 

After what it seemed forever the doctor told Erik he couldn’t play for a week or two, he needed to let his body heal itself. He could do some gym work so he wouldn’t let his body go but he just couldn’t force his body to run or do extreme efforts. Erik felt anger; he wanted to scream and to throw everything that it was on his way. The doctor decided to give him some space and left for a few minutes. 

Erik got up and went to the sink that was on the counter not so far away from the stretchers, he splashed some water on his face to calm himself. He was angry at Daniel, at the doctor but he was angrier at himself. He looked at his reflection in the mirror; he was disgusted on what he saw. He punched it. The pieces of glass came down to the sink but he didn’t seem to care. He couldn’t stop crying. 

He just needed to be normal again, these three days felt like it have been three years and he couldn’t even think about all the time that was left for him to completely forget. He looked at the pieces of glass on the sink, he grabbed the sharpest one. This time the cut was deeper and longer. He felt lighter. 

“Erik what happened?!” The doctor came into the room and saw the broken mirror and some of the blood in the sink. “Are you hurt?” Erik quickly dropped the piece of glass and let the doctor take care of him. He promised this wouldn’t happen again. He believed himself, again. 

“I’m sorry doc, I’m sorry” He was hopping the doctor wouldn’t ask how he cut himself so perfectly. “I’m sorry” The doctor didn’t say anything else; he just looked at him and smiled.

The doctor stitched the cut and put a bandage on top of it. He gave Erik some creams for him to put on it for it to heal faster. He assured Erik that it wouldn’t leave a mark. Erik gave the doctor a hug and said he was sorry one more time. He made his way to the locker room where some of the guys were there, the training session was over and he wouldn’t be happier for it. 

Some of them just smiled at him and some of them, like Mats or Jonas, walked towards him and gave him a hug. He was thankful nobody said anything or asked any questions but it was probably because Tuchel told them not to. He made a mental note to thank him again. Marco said goodbye to his teammates and walked towards Erik. 

“Hi” Erik swore he saw some sparkle in Marco’s eyes but it was probably just his imagination. “Ready to go home?” Marco said it with a hint of happiness that made Erik smile. Erik nodded. 

The entire car ride was Marco talking about all the pranks him and Auba were playing on Nuri. He could imagine the disapproving face on Mats but he couldn’t help but laugh. Nuri was a really relax guy but when it came to training he was always very serious so it was up to Auba and Marco to make him more relax. He misses being with them and being part of it. 

He loves seen Marco smile and being happy about something, it feels like the world stays still for a while and it just Marco and him. And he would never get enough of it. At one point Marco was laughing about something Auba said when all of the sudden he put his hand on Erik’s forearm. He stopped talking. They got home but Marco didn't say a word; not until Erik tried to open the door. 

“What’s that Erik? What happened?” Erik froze. He looked at Marco that was giving him this sweet and caring look, he couldn’t avoid this. 

“The doctor told me I couldn’t train in a week or two and I got angry. I punched the mirror sink in the doctor’s office and the glass cut my arm” He tried his best to sound convincing. “Is not a big deal, he put some stitches on it”.

“It is a big deal Erik!” Marco was almost screaming and it took Erik off guard.

“No is not!” He moved his arm out of Marco’s grip. “Why does it matter? It’s just a cut. My stomach looks and feels worse”. He opened the car door and got out.

“It matters to me Erik”. Marco replicated Erik’s actions, they were now yelling at each other in the middle of Marco’s drive way. “I want to see it”.

“No! You can’t see it” He pushed his arm closer to his body trying to hide it. “Why it matters to you Marco? I can take care of it”. Erik was angry and he could feel his heart pounding faster and faster. He just needed to get inside of the house, he needed to calm himself.

"Where are you going?" Marco was feeling nervous and uneasy, he didn't want to scare Erik away. Marco wanted Erik to trust him, to feel that he can be himself with him. "Can we please talk about this?" He followed Erik inside, he was heading towards the guest bedroom.

"No we can't. Just stop Marco, I'm tired and I don't understand what is your problem" Erik looked tired, he had bags under his eyes and you could tell by the way he walks. Marco never wanted to fight or to have a discussion while Erik was feeling so hopeless but he was getting frustrated on the way Erik was avoiding the subject.

"There's no problem, I'm just worry about you!" He couldn't stop raising his voice but it was like he wasn't in control of his body anymore.

"Why?!" Erik was in front of the guest bedroom, he opened the door. His back was facing Marco.

"Because I like you!" Marco regretted it as soon as he said it but he wasn't lying, he never lied about what he felt about Erik. "I like you"

Erik closed his eyes, took a deep breath and entered the guest bedroom closing the door behind him, leaving Marco alone in the hallway.


	5. Loving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Sorry for taking so long to post the next chapter. Life has been very crazy lately.  
> I finally found my new apartment and well the holidays came along. And work.. oh work lol.  
> I hope you guys like this one, I cried while writing this so...  
> Love you guys!.

Erik spent the next few days trying to avoid Marco which wans't easy because they were living in the same house but after talking to Jonas and telling him what happened Jonas promised to pick him up every morning and taking him home as late as he could so he didn't have to see Marco. Jonas told him that at some time he needed to talk to Marco about what happened, after everything he did for Erik he deserved at least that. Erik said he was going to think about it. 

His brusies were healing and they didn't hurt as much as before. After Jonas asked him about the two cuts in his arm he started to put some make up on top of them just in case the press started to take pictures of them, he didn't need more drama in his life. But this didn't mean he stopped. Erik was always telling himself he was going to stop, that the last time was going to be indeed the last time but that was never the case. The problem about being a professional footballer is that because of therapy you needed to take almost all your clothes so he started to get creative where he was cutting. 

Hips.

Inner thights.

Lower back.

The doctor never noticed it and he never had to take his boxers off. Every night he would stare at himself in the bathroom mirror and lightly touch each one of them, it made himself feel a little better. It was his way of matching the outside to what was he feeling inside. A horrible way but the only way he found possible. 

Usually the maid was the one doing the laundry but she got sick so she called Marco telling him she couldn't come in on sunday. Marco didn't mind, it wasn't the first time he would do laundry. He knocked on Erik's door but no response, he put a post it on Erik's door "I'm doing laundry, please put your clothes outside your door so I can wash it". When Erik thought it was safe, he opened up the door and read the post it; that was their method of communication now. He did as he was told, he put the dirty laundry outside his door. 

After 20 minutes Marco went back and picked up the clothes. He couldn't help being sad, he wanted his friend back but he wasn't ashamed of telling him how it felt. He started liking him since Erik's first day at the team, he always thought Erik was unique and super sweet. He loved the innocent vibe he had but Marco knew deep inside him there was a joker so he started to push him to pull pranks to the other guys. Marco have never felt so happy. Not even with Mario.  
Mario is part of Marco's past and that's where he belongs.

Marco tried everything to get Erik to talk to him but he came to the conclusion that he just needed space. He got out of an abusive relationship and now a close friend declare his love to him so Erik had all the right to not talk to him. But it was killing him.  
Marco started to separate the clothes by colors. His mom always told him that he shouldn't mix colors with whites and that the blacks should be wahsed with a different type on laundry detergent so they don't lose their color. While going through Erik's clothes Marco noticed something red in one his boxers. He grabbed it and inspectioned it better, it looked like blood. He tried look for another one on the pile of clothes and there it was; more blood. They were perfect lines on the fabric. 

He knew those weren't accidental cuts the second time it happened, he knew something was wrong. His heart started to pound harder, all he wanted to do was cry. How he let this happen?. He took a deep breath and with boxer in hand he made his way to Erik's room. He pull all the strength in his body and knocked the door. 

"Erik can you please open the door. We need to tallk" It made him feel so weak to know that his friend prefered to cut himself than to talk to him. His dear Erik, the boy who made his heart beat fast and slow at the same time. "Erik? I know about your cutting" he tried to be as polite as possible but he need to talk to him. The door opened. 

"What are you talking about?" Erik's eyes looked red, like he was crying. Bags under his eyes and tired look. 

"This" he showed Erik his boxers. Erik's eyes opened up big, like he couldn't believe he was so stupid. He tried to grabbed the boxers from Marco hand. "Why are you looking through my laundry?" He sounded offended and Marco really couldn't believe his reaction.

"I was separating the clothes and I saw it! Can you tell me what's going on?" Erik tried to close the door but Marco put his shoe so he couldn't. Erik let him in. "Erik!" Marco didn't want to fight with him again, he just wanted to help him. He needed Erik to trust him.

"Nothing is going on! I was shaving and I cut myself on accident" Marco knew he was lying and he could tell because Erik couldn't look at him on the eyes.

"Stop lying to me Erik! I know what's going on, I just want you to talk to me and let me help you" His voice was breaking, he sounded like he begging and maybe he was. "Please" He wanted to grab Erik by the shoulders and shake him, make him react. 

"What's going on?! You want to know what's going on?!" Erik turned around and now he was facing Marco, their faces were really close. Marco could see the pain and all the sadness Erik had inside of him. "I can't sleep, I can't play. My ex boyfriend wanted me as a punch bag and I finally found a way of feeling less sad" Erik took his shirt and jeans off, he lowered his boxers down so now all the cuts were visible. Marco took a breath. "Are you shocked?! I mean come on Marco you already knew right?! You seem like you always know everything! Come on!" Erik was yelling from the top of his lungs and it took Marco by surpise. 

"Erik..." Marco didn't know if he actually said those words or if everything was his mind playing tricks on him.

"No Marco! No Erik me! I don't need your pitty, I don't need anybody sadness I have a lot of that whith my own!" Erik's hand were now fists and his beautiful white skin was now bright red. "This is my way to match the outside with the inside! I need this to feel that I'm still alive Marco! He didn't want me, nobody wants me so why do I need to want myself?!" Erik was crying now, his beautiful eyes were so full of tears that was making Marco feel like he was drowning. "I hate me, I hate what I have become. I'm not..." And just like that Erik stopped talking.

Marco's lips were now on top of his. His lips felt like Marco knew it was going to feel, it was like he was touching the most expensive silk in the world. It felt so right and so beautiful. It taste it like the sea because of the tears but he didn't mind, he will drown if he had to; if it meant that it will take Erik's sandess away. He could still feel Erik sobbing but he never pushed Marco away, not even for a second. Marco knew it wasn't the right thing to do but it was right for them. It was right for Erik to feel love again. 

Erik put his hand on the back of Marco's head and pushed him even more against his lips. He opened his mouth to let Marco wet tongue invade his hot mouth. How he could feel this way? how he could feel butterflies in his stomach? how he could feel his heart beat this fast if he was dead inside?. Maybe he wans't dead aftert all. 

Marco needed air so he broke the kiss but never stopped staring at him. He needed to let Erik know that he was there for him and that no matter what happened or how tough everything seemed he was going to fight for him even if it meant fight against Erik himself. 

He slowly started to put sweet and small kisses along Erik's nose and cheeks. He wanted to cover Erik's whole body with kisses if that was possible. He could see Erik's eyes closing every time he would put a kiss on his skin. He was slowly making his way down. More tears came out of Erik's eyes but it wasn't because Erik was feeling sad, it was just so overwhelming the emotions he was getting out a simple kiss. 

Marco was now on his knees, facing Erik and all he could see was Erik's hips covered in cuts. He lightly put his fingertips on top of them, he didn't want to hurt Erik he wasn't Daniel. Erik let out a small sound, he wans't sure if it was a sob or a moan but it didn't matter. Marco kissed each and one of those cuts, no matter where they were he covered them with a kiss. He wanted to try to let Erik know that no matter how much he tried to make your outside ugly he wasn't let him forget how beautiful he was. 

After minutes of dedication Marco stood up and grabbed Erik's face, cleaned the few tears still caught in his eyelashes and gave him a sweet kiss on his lips. 

"Erik I know this wasn't the right time to tell you that I liked you but I do, so much" Erik took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Look at me, look at me Erik" How it was possible for those green eyes to be even more green, Marco did not know. "I'm not asking you to be boyfriend or to marry me, I'm just asking you to trust me and to let me in. I know is hard for you to do that because of everything that happened but I will move at your pace, I will give you your space when you need it and I will be there when you need me but please, please Erik let me love you" Marco felt like he had the world in his hands, well at least his world. 

"Marco... I can't give you what you want right now" Marco kinda knew he was totally right but he wasn't going to back down, not now. If it meant to wait for Erik forever then he will. He is in too deep now.

"I know and I will wait" He pressed their forheads together "for you, okay?" Erik nodded.

"Marco, please, don't hurt me"


	6. Discovering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so it has been a long time since my last update but the inspiration was gone for a long time and well personal problems came in the way, oh life. But lately I have been reading a lot of fanfiction so i got my muse back lol. I want to thank @BlueGlitter and her story "A new life", you guys don't know how much it has helped me to get my muse back. This was a chapter I wrote in a day so I haven't really checked it lol. Enjoy!

Erik felt that he had a reason to keep moving on, he really thought that after what happened the last few weeks he didn't have one. Marco has been very understanding and has been giving him the space and the patience he needed. Erik knew it wasn't easy to deal with him right now and that's why sometimes he was feeling sorry for Marco but every time Erik woke up screaming Marco would run towards the guest bedroom and calm him down. Marco asked him more than once to come and sleep in the same bed with him but Erik didn't feel prepared after Marco said he liked him, Erik didn't want to give him false hope but he didn't denied he wished he could wake up in his arms. 

Erik's mom came to visit for a few days, she needed to make sure he was okay. She told Erik he needed to see the team doctor so he could prescribe pills for his depression but he told her things weren't that bad, he hated lying to his mom. She made his favorite meals and desserts, Marco and him were having the best time because none of them knew how to cook this delicious. She left much more relaxed knowing that Marco was taking care of his son but the sad part is that she didn't know the half of what Erik was going through. 

The team was happy to have Erik back, if felt so lonely without him there. He was doing great in training and Tuchel was happy with his performance so that meant that he was playing more. It was nice to feel like a footballer again, it may have been just two weeks out of the field but for him it felt like an eternity. It was great to feel the grass under his feet, the air touching his skin while running for the ball and to listen to the fans chant his name. Erik isn't scared of many things but one of the things that scare him the most is to not be able to play football. He was thankful that he was still be able to do what he love. 

It was a regular afternoon, it had been a good morning and the ride to the trainera center was nice. Marco was telling Erik how his nephew Nico got into a fight at school with a boy who said Marco wasn't a good footballer, he got grounded but also a high five from Marco. There was always an occasional touch from Marco or a deep gaze between the two. Those eyes, those eyes were driving Erik crazy and calm at the same time but he always knew how to control himself. Sometimes he didn't want to.

Training was good, Erik always tried to forget while he was there and it always worked. The laughs and conversations with his teammates were like therapy for him, they never asked about what happened a few weeks back but that didn't mean they didn't care, they just knew it was better that way.

At the end of the training they all went to the locker rooms, Pier was making fun of Marco and how he wears his pants low. Pier took his own shorts and pulled them down so everybody could see what he was talking about, Marco took the opportunity to pulled them down; shorts and boxers all together. Pier did the same to Nuri who was walking close by and the laughter increased. Nuri didn't find it that funny but he turned around and saw his victim, he pulled the shorts and underwear down. Erik stood still.

The silence in the locker rooms was uncomfortable, you could hear everybody's heart beat. They were all looking at Erik's thighs and hips and how they were all covered in all shades of red and pink straight lines. All the cuts were almost aligned to each other and you could see which ones were new and which ones were a few days old. Nobody was laughing then.

Erik quickly pulled his shorts up, took his things from his locker room and quickly ran. He didn't know what to do, he felt like crying but the feeling of embarrassment was even bigger. He stood in the parking lot for a few seconds cursing at the fact that he was riding with Marco, he didn't want to talk or see anybody; specially him. He was unlocking his phone to call a taxi when Marco called his name. Erik closed his eyes. 

"Erik..." Marco was behind him, he was cursing the moment when Pier decided it was funny to pull his shorts down. He knew Erik wanted to run away but he couldn't let him go. "Let's go home". He walked passed by Erik and unlocked the car, Erik followed.

The ride home was awkward and quiet which gave Erik time to play the moment in the locker room over and over again in his head. He could picture his teammates face perfectly, how disgusted and shocked they were. He tried so hard to hide them so nobody could look at them, he tried so hard to make it seem he was getting better when in reality he wasn't, he tried so hard to be the old Erik that he didn't know who he was anymore. 

There wasn't any slight touches or deep gazes that ride home, Marco's hands were grabbing the steering wheel so tight that you could see how white his knuckles were turning. His eyes were focused on the road ahead of him and the radio was long forgotten. Erik was feeling uneasy, just not knowing what Marco was thinking was making him go crazy he just wanted Marco to say something, not caring if it was bad or good, but something. They finally got home and Marco quickly made his way inside of the house while Erik was trying to follow him. 

Marco made his way to the back yard closing the door behind him clearly telling Erik he didn't want to talk. Erik felt helpless, he wanted to go and talk to him and explain why he did what he did but he knew it was hopeless to try to talk to Marco right now. He took a final look at his lover and walked to his room. 

He realized he still was with his training clothes so he decided to take a quick shower. He opened the warm water and got rid of his clothes while avoiding the mirror in front of him. He let the water relax his muscles, he needed to catch a break from all this. He quickly cleaned himself, hissing when the hot water touched the most recent scars. He took the towel, dried himself and put some clean boxers on. It was time to clean the scars, that might be the worst part of Erik's days but no matter how much he hated seeing them or touching them he just didn't know how to stop. 

He grabbed the alcohol from the cabinet next to the sink, he noticed he was out of cotton. He cursed himself because now he needed to go and ask Marco if he had some. He took the alcohol and went to Marco's room, he knocked the door a few times and didn't get a response so he assumed Marco was still in the back yard so he opened the door and went to the bathroom. He opened the cabinet and saw some cotton, he opened the bottle and put some on top of the little white fluffy ball.

"What are you doing here?" Erik jumped when he heard the voice behind him, he should have waited for Marco to be in his room.

"Ammm I was out of cotton so I came to your room and knocked but you didn't answer so I..." He was talking fast, his head was down and he couldn't even manage to breath through the whole sentence. He just wanted to go back to his room and hide in his bed.

"Give me that" Marco took the cotton ball from Erik's hand and knelt in front of Erik while still not making eye contact. 

Marco was padding the cotton ball on top of Erik's scars, it felt strange having Marco do that but what it felt worse was the silence. He just wanted it to stop, to go back in time and make himself stop but he knew he couldn't do that so he just took a deep breath and let Marco take care of him. 

"Thank you" Erik's voice was almost a whisper, he felt a knot in his throat. 

"This is why you didn't want to sleep with me in the same bed?" Marco was still looking straight at Erik's hips not even giving a sign of looking up. 

"No Marco, I told you I didn't wa..." Erik felt lost, he wanted to explain to Marco that that wasn't his reason. He wanted to tell Marco that he didn't want to give him false hope but when Marco looked at him all he saw was pure sadness and disappointment. His heart broke in tiny pieces.

"Yes Erik, I remember what you told me but I don't know what to believe anymore because I mean..." Marco laughed sarcastically "you hide stuff from me so" Marco stood up and threw the cotton ball in the trash and made his way to the bedroom.

"Do you think is easy Marco? Do you think is easy for me to not be able to tell you? You need to understand that this is not something I enjoy doing but is the only thing that calms me down" Erik's voice was higher than normal but tears were making his way to his eyes. He blinked a few times, he was tired of memorizing Marco's back.

"Well it looks different to me, it looks you quite enjoy hurting yourself because the amount scars you have says it all" Erik knew Marco didn't mean what he was saying, that he was talking because he was angry and hurt but he couldn't still feel sad by his words.

"Don't do this Marco..." His cheeks were so wet from the tears but he wasn't making any noises, he was just letting them out. "You promised to not hurt me"

"So am I hurting you by telling you the truth? By stating what is obvious?" Marco turned to looked at the shaking boy in front of him, the frustration was winning the battle. He tried not to be so harsh but words came out of his mouth without permission.

"I'm trying to match the outside to the inside! I'm trying to show how ugly, destroyed and broken I'm in the inside!" Erik was yelling now, his face was red and there wasn't any regret "I hate the Erik I have become, how simple and sad I am. I'm scared of my own mind. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of not being enough to someone!" He was spilling out everything he was keeping inside for weeks now, it felt good and bad at the same time. He was so scared to push Marco away but sadly he was already doing it.

"So I don't count? Every single word I have said so far hasn't mean anything?!" Erik could hear Marco's voice shaking and he knew Marco wanted to cry but he was stronger than him. He envied that about him.

"I'm not trying to kill myself Marco, I'm..." Marco's furious voice cut him mid sentence. He has never heard that voice out of that slim and beautiful body. This was all new to him.

"Stop Erik! Fucking Stop!" Marco grabbed the Xbox controller that was on top of the bed and smashed it against the wall. Erik stood still. "I can't lose you! I can't even think of losing you again! I felt like I was losing you when I got there and you were almost breathing, I was so angry at myself for not doing something and try to stop him!. I can't sit on the side again and watch how you hurt yourself!. Please Erik, let me help you..." Marco's face was now covered in tears, his voice was almost gone and Erik thought he heard Marco's heart beats. "Please Erik, let me love you with all I have". 

"Marco I'm hurting you already how can I let myself keep doing this?" Erik wanted to tell Marco yes, yes to all the promises he didn't say and to all the kissed he didn't give but he knew better.

"Let me decide what I want, let me decide what is good or not for me"

"Marco..." Marco walked towards Erik and opened his arms to embrace him in the most amazing hug. Erik let go a breath he didn't know he was holding. Marco felt warm, felt like home, felt like everything he needed right now.

"Erik I beg you don't push me away, I want to help you build yourself again" Those beautiful eyes were looking at him again, those eyes that were his whole world and he didn't knew that until today, those eyes who gave him hope. "I don't promise you it will be perfect but I promise you I will make sure to let you know how much I care and how much you mean to me". Marco's hands where now taking Erik's face, he didn't want to stop admiring how beautiful the younger was. Marco wanted to remember every single detail of that face, how those beautiful blue eyes were looking at him right now full of hope and care. Marco wanted all of what Erik had to give just to himself, he was willing to give his soul to make Erik happy.

The subtle touch of Marco's fingers made Erik remember he was only in his underwear. Marco lowered his hands slowly through the younger's neck, chest and stomach but never taking his eyes away from Erik's beautiful face. His fingertips where just exploring the skin below them, he didn't want to stop. He got to Erik's hips but decided to skip them so he could put them just below Erik's ass. The blonde understood what he was trying to do so he made a tiny jump and wrap his legs around Marco's waist, holding tight onto his neck. 

Marco walked towards his bed and lay him there, like he was the most delicate and beautiful flower in the whole garden. The older stood there admiring Erik, taking a breath and wondering how on earth could someone want to hurt him or how he could think so low of himself. He bent down towards Erik's toned chest, gave him tiny but sweet kisses. He loved seeing Erik's reactions and he was happy he was the one causing them. 

Erik was feeling so overwhelmed, it had been so long since he had felt the sweet touch of someone or he even felt loved by someone. His arm was over his eyes, as much as he loved to see Marco's eyes looking at him he just couldn't watch. He felt he didn't deserve any of this. 

The older one kept laying kissed over the younger skin until he got to his hips. He lowered Erik's boxers a little bit so he could get the full picture of all his scars and cuts. He reached for Erik's arm and made him look.

"Erik, look at me" Marco's voice was like velvet, it felt like a sweet song in Erik's ears. "No matter how many cuts or scars or injuries or burns you have on your body you will be good enough for me. You will more than enough. I always admired you from far away and always wished you were mine to love but I knew I couldn't so I just cared for you in silence but now that I can kiss you, touch you, look at you like this I wonder how I walked through life without you".

Marco didn't let Erik say anything when he was already kissing Erik's scars. He wanted to remind him how loved and beautiful he was, that no matter how sad he was feeling Marco will always be by his side reminding him that he wasn't alone.  
Erik felt tears flowing down his cheeks but he didn't care, he loved feeling this way and he will remember Marco's words forever. He felt like he was being rescued from the most horrible nightmare, that his hero was finally there just stroking his cheek and looking into his eyes like he was holding the whole universe in them.

"I waited so long to do this and I promise, Erik, that you are safe with me" Marco looked down on Erik and caught his lips into his. 

Erik could hear his heart beating faster and faster, then he knew that his heart could love again. That no matter how many times David punched him he was still there recieving the most amazing kiss he could ever ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is like my fifth fanfic but my second one here in AO3. I have been going through a lot lately so I felt that I need to put things into words and also I wanted to do a Erik/Marco fic for a long time now.  
> I hope you guys enjoy it. Love and feedback are appreciate it hehe.  
> Sorry if there are errors but well english is not my native language so.


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